The Green-Dicked Flipper, in “THE ROOMMATE”
on June 14, 2014
at 9:31 am
↓ Transcript
PANEL ONE: CHESTER stands at the threshold of a small bare room. In the foreground, a GREEN-DICKED FLIPPER perches on the sofa. BENJAMIN is arriving behind him.
BENJAMIN: Wow, a green-dicked flipper!
CHESTER: Huh, so it is!
CHESTER: I'll get a broom
PANEL TWO: Two shot.
BENJAMIN: What? No, they're almost extinct!
BENJAMIN: We gotta protect it!
CHESTER: I dunno, we were gonna rent this room out…
BENJAMIN: Come on, what’s the worst that could--
PANEL THREE: Benjamin goes to get some cereal BUT THE BOX IS EMPTY. The bird stares at him in front of a bowl of cereal.
PANEL FOUR: The living room is completely destroyed and covered in bird shit.
PANEL FIVE: Benjamin yells at the bird while covering his ears. The bird sits on the bed, talking on Skype with its relative overseas, both screaming in their indecipherable bird language.
PANEL SIX: Benjamin opens the door to his bedroom. A woman is in his bed. She is pretty naked. The bird is sitting on her chest. They are both staring at Benjamin.
PANEL SEVEN: Benjamin stands in front of Chester and Roommate 3.
BENJAMIN: --all over it AGAIN! And THEN he used my dissertation for his NEST!
CHESTER: Yeah, I think he's probably gotta go.
BIRD (from off-panel): Hey...
PANEL EIGHT: The bird speaks. He is crying a little.
BIRD: I’m sorry, you guys! It’s just been a rough year, you know? I mean, with the economy and everything... and my mom, she's got a real bad case of bird flu... my girlfriend left me for a hawk.... there just ain't that many green-dicked flippers left...
BIRD: I guess I’ve just been acting out, you know?
PANEL NINE: Benjamin isn’t buying it.
BENJAMIN: There’s like four million of you little bastards in the Amazon alone! I googled it!
BENJAMIN: T-t-those are TURQUOISE-dicked flippers--
ROOMMATE 3: Ben...
PANEL TEN: The roommates stare at Benjamin, who is looking a little cray-cray.
BENJAMIN: ENOUGH! I'm sick of his crap!
BENJAMIN: I WANT HIM OUT!
BENJAMIN: Either HE goes or--
PANEL ELEVEN: Benjamin stands outside in the rain with his luggage. Inside, the bird stares back at him.
PANEL TWELVE: The bird flips him off.
BENJAMIN: Wow, a green-dicked flipper!
CHESTER: Huh, so it is!
CHESTER: I'll get a broom
PANEL TWO: Two shot.
BENJAMIN: What? No, they're almost extinct!
BENJAMIN: We gotta protect it!
CHESTER: I dunno, we were gonna rent this room out…
BENJAMIN: Come on, what’s the worst that could--
PANEL THREE: Benjamin goes to get some cereal BUT THE BOX IS EMPTY. The bird stares at him in front of a bowl of cereal.
PANEL FOUR: The living room is completely destroyed and covered in bird shit.
PANEL FIVE: Benjamin yells at the bird while covering his ears. The bird sits on the bed, talking on Skype with its relative overseas, both screaming in their indecipherable bird language.
PANEL SIX: Benjamin opens the door to his bedroom. A woman is in his bed. She is pretty naked. The bird is sitting on her chest. They are both staring at Benjamin.
PANEL SEVEN: Benjamin stands in front of Chester and Roommate 3.
BENJAMIN: --all over it AGAIN! And THEN he used my dissertation for his NEST!
CHESTER: Yeah, I think he's probably gotta go.
BIRD (from off-panel): Hey...
PANEL EIGHT: The bird speaks. He is crying a little.
BIRD: I’m sorry, you guys! It’s just been a rough year, you know? I mean, with the economy and everything... and my mom, she's got a real bad case of bird flu... my girlfriend left me for a hawk.... there just ain't that many green-dicked flippers left...
BIRD: I guess I’ve just been acting out, you know?
PANEL NINE: Benjamin isn’t buying it.
BENJAMIN: There’s like four million of you little bastards in the Amazon alone! I googled it!
BENJAMIN: T-t-those are TURQUOISE-dicked flippers--
ROOMMATE 3: Ben...
PANEL TEN: The roommates stare at Benjamin, who is looking a little cray-cray.
BENJAMIN: ENOUGH! I'm sick of his crap!
BENJAMIN: I WANT HIM OUT!
BENJAMIN: Either HE goes or--
PANEL ELEVEN: Benjamin stands outside in the rain with his luggage. Inside, the bird stares back at him.
PANEL TWELVE: The bird flips him off.
Brilliant!