MEMO TO HOLLYWOOD: when you option this thrilling adventure, please use this for the credits:

↓ Transcript
PANEL ONE: In the basement of the Library of Congress, original character NOT RICHARD LONGDAN studies a dusty treasure map, which he's just discovered.

PANEL TWO: Richard runs through Venice, trailed by his USELESS LOVE INTEREST.

PANEL THREE: Richard fights a neo-Nazi on a gondola that is about to go down a waterfall on the Amazon, as the wind blows a flurry of cash out of a cracked-open briefcase. The Useless Love Interest is splayed uselessly on the deck of the gondola.

PANEL FOUR: Richard approaches an Egyptian pyramid which is built into the wall of an ice cave. ULI gasps as a fierce polar bear steps out from a thicket of stalagmites.

PANEL FIVE: Richard holds a torch up to an ancient message written on a wall.

WALL: The greatest treasure of all is believing in yourself.

PANEL SIX: Richard makes a face.